It’s funny how men go scot-free or see it as a normal thing when they cheat. I have been married to this married man as a second wife for 4 years and I have two children with him already. Ignoring the red flags at the beginning is one of my biggest regrets to date, he told me he wanted to get married because he was doing brostitute even when married and he needed another wife so he could stop. I bought his stupid idea, besides he cries and threatens to harm himself if I end up not marrying him. Fast forward to when I gave birth to my first child, he gave me an infection.
I knew this when my doctor examined me and told me to tell my husband to use a condom or invite him over for a pep talk. He was angry with the whole allegation so I let it slide. Meanwhile, before then, I saw condoms in his car, back trouser pockets, and even wallets. I talked to him about it all the time and I just figured that he was enjoying it. Even if he’s enjoying it, was he having sex raw? The condom doesn’t protect? Or did he buy factory default condoms? I had an infection the second time and it was when I was pregnant with my daughter.
I was advised to abort the baby because the injections and medicines I was using then were too strong for a 2-month pregnancy which I did. He played the whole game so well that he accused me of cheating and I had to abort the baby. I was so angry that I called a family meeting and pleaded with the doctor to come over and clear the whole air on what caused it. It was after the meeting they found him guilty, but they advised me to forget about it and that it’s in men’s nature to cheat. I started hating him, I hated him so much that I used to throw up anytime I see him.
I stopped allowing him to touch me and I didn’t care because sex wasn’t my problem. I just wanted him to realize what he was doing and change but he didn’t change. The one time I allowed him to touch me again, I got pregnant and gave birth to a girl. The night I gave birth, he had to travel to work and return three days after. It was three weeks later I knew the trip was to go sleep in a hotel with a girl who happens to be my namesake. I challenged him and behold what Yoruba men are good at, he went on his knees and cried fireeee!! The remaining 2% pity left in me couldn’t take it, so I told him to forget about it but I never forgot.
I reported the whole thing to his parents again and they told me I was looking for trouble. They said why will I be monitoring him up and down? Did he not marry me to another woman or why is my own wahala too much? They ended the conversations by saying he’s from a polygamous family and even if he brings in more than five wives, nobody will do anything about it. I carried my shame back home and ever since then, I lost respect for him and his entire family. In March of this year, I went for a job interview in Kaduna, I met a Hausa man who lost his wife two years ago and we have been getting along very well.
Whenever my husband starts misbehaving, he’s always there for me and my kids. He respects me so much that I am beginning to compare him to my husband. Fast forward to When he came for a business meeting in Abuja and I went to see him at his place, I kept thinking of what my husband did to me and I thought it might be the time to cheat back at him. I tried to kiss this man but he stopped me. He told me he wouldn’t like it if his wife is out there kissing someone else. Story!!! I leaned back, dragged his kaftan, and kissed him (no be me you go shame).
He smiled and told us to go somewhere, we talked for a long time and we both connected. We are looking at where things would go, but on the other side, my babies’ daddy is there puffing his shoulders every damn day in the house and proving proud of what he’s doing. The last time we had sex, for some weird reasons, I had the image of this Hausa man in my head that I almost called out his name, Kai. I look back today and I don’t even know what I am doing anymore. If it’s a crime, may God forgive me the same way you dey take forgive these men too.
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